Couples therapy is a set of sessions where you and your partner talk with a trained professional, such as a psychologist or therapist, who helps you understand what keeps going wrong between you and try different ways of dealing with it. It is not about deciding who is right. You can go while you are still together, engaged, or unsure about staying.
If you feel unsafe in your relationship, or you are worried about harming yourself, see the hotlines page. Therapy for two people is not the right first step when one person is afraid of the other. If you are in danger from your partner, go to the police or your barangay right away.
What happens in a session
The first session is usually about the therapist getting to know you both: how long you have been together, what brought you in, what each of you wants to change. Some therapists also meet each partner alone once. Later sessions tend to focus on a few things.
- How you talk when things get hot. Patterns like shouting, going silent, or bringing up old fights.
- What is underneath the fight. “You never help at home” can be about being tired, feeling unseen, or money worries.
- Practice. Trying a different way of saying something in the room, then again at home.
Sessions are usually about an hour. The therapist is not there to take sides, and a good one will stop either of you from being talked over.
When couples therapy is worth trying
You do not have to wait for a crisis. People often benefit from it when:
- The same argument keeps coming back, and nothing changes.
- You have stopped talking about the things that matter, or are just being polite.
- Trust has been damaged, for example after infidelity or a broken promise about money.
- A big change is hitting the relationship: a new baby, moving in with in-laws, a job loss, a partner working abroad.
- Family pressure is weighing on you, such as in-laws with strong opinions or a parent who moved in.
- One or both of you feel lonely even when you are together.
Long-distance couples are common in the Philippines, with one partner overseas or in another province. Online sessions are a practical way to attend together. See online therapy in the Philippines for how that works.
When it may not be the right step
- There is abuse or fear. If one partner controls, threatens or hurts the other, joint sessions can put the hurt person at risk. Talk to a professional on your own first.
- One person is struggling with their own mental health. Low mood, heavy anxiety or trauma may need individual care first or alongside. A psychiatrist can talk you through treatment options; see psychiatrist vs psychologist if you are unsure who to see.
- One partner has already decided to leave and is not open to talking. A therapist can still help with how to end things respectfully, but that is a different goal.
How to bring it up with your partner
In many Filipino homes, “therapy” sounds like “may sira tayo.” Some men hear it as an accusation, and others think it is only for people who are “baliw.” A few ways in that tend to work better:
- Pick a calm time, not in the middle of a fight.
- Start with “I want us to be okay” instead of “you need help.”
- Say it is a trial: “Subukan natin ng dalawa o tatlong session, tapos pag-usapan natin.”
- Let them choose the therapist or have a say in it.
- If they still say no, you can go alone. Individual therapy can help you handle the relationship even if your partner does not join yet.
Our page on mental health stigma in the Philippines talks about why this conversation is hard.
How to find a couples therapist
Look for a licensed psychologist or therapist who says they work with couples, and ask about their approach before you book. You can browse psychotherapy options in Manila or in Quezon City and book on NowServing. Some also see couples by video, which helps if you live apart or cannot get to a clinic together.
Questions worth asking:
- Do you work with couples regularly?
- Do you meet each partner separately, and how do you handle what is said in those sessions?
- How many sessions do people usually plan for?
- Can we do sessions online?
Ask about cost and any HMO coverage before you book. For general reading on how treatment works, see NowServing’s post on mental health treatment.
Family therapy is a different setting
If the tension is between parents and children, siblings or in-laws, a therapist may suggest family sessions instead. The idea is the same: everyone gets heard, and the therapist helps change how the family talks. Our page on family and mental health covers this.
FAQ
Can we go to couples therapy if only one of us wants to?
You can try one session and see how it feels. If your partner will not attend, individual therapy can still help you with your side of the relationship.
How many sessions do we need?
It depends on what you are dealing with. Some couples plan a short block of sessions with a clear goal, and others continue longer. Ask the therapist at the first session what they suggest.
Is couples therapy only for married couples?
No. Dating couples, engaged couples, live-in partners and married couples all go.
Will the therapist tell us to break up?
A good therapist does not decide for you. They help each of you see the situation more clearly so you can decide.
Can we do couples therapy online?
Yes, many therapists offer it. It is a practical choice for couples with one partner abroad or living in a different city.